Can you hear it? The epic soundtrack building to a crescendo as, a dark field littered with the hopelessly oppressed is broken by a shaft of light descending to illuminate a lone figure, staggering to stand up, braced on her sword. Using its point as an anchor, she crawls backward, toward her army’s line. She sees a friend to her left and attempts to reach out, only to cringe back as a white horse gallops up and a shining knight jumps down and scoops up her dejected compatriot. The instant he holds her in his arms, she is transformed into a shining princess and as they mount and ride back to safety, the lone living figure on the battle field collapses, feeling all hope is lost.
Love is a battlefield. And many times, for the Single soldier fighting to stay alive, it can be a dark, lonely place.
Dramatic much? Yes, very much.
All metaphors and epic battles aside, I’ve been thinking a lot about Singleness. If I’m being completely honest, over half has probably been more of the dramatic perceptions and hopeless feelings of being alone. Probably a good deal more than half…depending on the day.
I know I’m not the only one.
The slight irony…I’m really happy being independent. I enjoy the freedom I have. But somewhere inside, the God given desire for a husband has mingled with the social pressure to be part of a couple and the lie of being less because I’m not. It can be a confusing, dangerous cocktail of condemnation.
Somewhere along the way, I think I bought into the idea that being single is a season to be endured until the real season begins.
Kind of like being at the airport. You have to wait, just like everyone else, until you board the plane. There are a few things you can do (read, get coffee, watch other people moving on to their destination), but there is always the fear that if you leave your gate (explore, meet new people, take a nap), you may miss the boarding call; and we all know that the real trip only starts once you have buckled your seatbelt, have turned off your electronics and take off into the wild blue yonder. Sometimes, it’s more like being stuck on the tarmac with a crying baby in front of you and a kid kicking your seat behind.
Why do we view singleness as a holding pattern? Why is it the dreaded world between worlds where you can see the doors to so much promise, but if you’re not careful, you’ll get dazed and stuck there, never really living life?
So many times, as Christian Singles, we are encouraged in staying pure and preparing ourselves to be Godly spouses. That is awesome. But what about living a full, promising life?
How can we get rid of the interim mentality that has been associated with singleness and embrace life here and now?
Somewhere along the way, these musings fused with ponderings on Bucket Lists.
You know, those things you want to do before you die, like ride an elephant or discover a cure for cancer (even though you’re not a doctor of any kind). We have aspirations, but what good is having a list of things you want to accomplish with life if you aren’t actively doing it.
I wouldn’t want to find myself confronted with 6 months to live and a lifetime’s worth of dreams to experience.
This is my new journey. And lucky you, I’ll probably be documenting some of it here. So, if you are married and a thought like “Oh no, another single’s going to whine about being alone,” crosses your mind, stop right there. If you are a single thinking “Oh, someone who can commiserate,” hold the phone. These posts, which will now be under the tag “A Singles Bucket List: <insert topic>” are not about whining or commiserating or trying to hold on until. It’s about living.
So, whatever your relationship status, let’s commit to live fully and love fully, wherever we are.
Singles, do you find it hard to be single? Why?
Married-s, looking back, is there anything you wish you would have accomplished/done/experienced while single?